Broken Kid dot com

It’s not very often that you can believe the hype. The concept of hype is, after all, an organization trying to convince you that not only do you want something, you need that something. These organizations do not spend millions of dollars on advertising (the source of hype) altruistically. The goal of these organizations is to make money, of course, and so they are perfectly willing to convince you that such a nonsensical thing as a toothpick is the greatest thing since sliced bread. (What made sliced bread so great anyway? Is there a sliced bread conglomerate out there spending billions of dollars to subtly enforce the theory that sliced bread is the greatest thing ever? For that matter, what was the greatest thing before sliced bread?)

In fact, you can usually buy into the mindset that a product’s value is inversely proportionate to the amount of hype it receives. This is because, to use another tired cliché, the cream rises to the top. If a product is so perfect, you’ll hear about it and love it regardless of how much hype it receives. This is why the most brilliant bands tragically play to crowds of a dozen or so at small bars in the Midwest while Maroon 5 and Coldplay sell billions of CDs and t-shirts. Believe the hype, and you are one of the nameless masses willing to throw your every dollar and whim at the feet of advertisers who want to tell you what to believe. Then again, we are all part of the masses - except for yours truly, of course.

Broken Kid is above all that. Broken Kid is a trendsetter. You have heard of none of the bands Broken Kid loves. Broken Kid’s electronics come from obscure Japanese companies that went bankrupt years ago and that no repairman will touch. Broken Kid buys his cereal from stores you couldn’t find on a map and in brands that contain colors you’ve never seen and the perfect low-fat substitute for sugar that would revolutionize the food industry if anyone else, including the FDA, happened to hear of it. This is why Broken Kid is very, very alone.

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In this day and age, the powerful presence of the Internet is a given in our daily lives. It’s the Big Brother watching over us, the mother earth wrapping us up in her cocoon, the god-like figure who sees and knows all. The Internet is omnipresent, and we are expanding its presence every day until there’s virtually nowhere we can go where we cannot access the Internet immediately to type “lolz” or “pwnd” or any of the other trademarks of its wide language.

But, believe it or not, boys and girls, Broken Kid remembers a time before the Internet. This wasn’t as long ago as you may think. Television came in color then, and New Coke was already Old News. It was really only a decade and a half or so when a few people at colleges and military institutions were using noisy dial-up modems to type complex, Unix-based text commands to access computers remotely and maybe send e-mail and ascii art to each other. This, in itself, was barely after the time of green-on-black monitors and 3.5-inch floppies shaking our collective consciousnesses to their core.

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This message is a long time in coming. Many of you out there have been eagerly checking BrokenKid.com every day, your hands clasped close to your chest, breath coming quick as you eagerly anticipate a new missive from your fearless leader, and you’ve left disappointed and distraught, drinking yourself to sleep in the hopes that tomorrow will bring more words of wisdom to shed light on your dismal day. Children, have hope, because the Kid is back.

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When last we gathered, children, Broken Kid lay down some serious truth upon your souls, and you most likely saw it and thought, in that adorable way you have, ‘huh?’ It’s ok, friends. The Kid doesn’t hold your ignorance or naivety against you. In fact, he thinks it’s kinda cute. Who’s the little cute monkey in people clothes? Huh? Who’s the cute monkey playing with the computer? Ah-cootchie-cootchie!

Ahem. Sorry about that. Back to the issue at hand: the problem with society as we know it. That’s a pretty big topic, and the Kid wants you to know that he’s figured out the problem, which is, as stated before, people only care about themselves. Now let’s explore that, shall we?

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Now we get to the point, friends. Sit back with your favorite independent band and a glass of fine cognac, and let the Broken Kid tell you what’s wrong with society today.

It’s actually fairly simple, and ask anyone if they agree that it’s … if not the biggest problem, at least it’s a big problem, and they’ll surely agree. That doesn’t mean you, dear reader, or the ignorant coworker you’re going to ask about it is not guilty of this problem. In fact, everyone – including, to some extent, yours truly – is guilty of this ultimate problem in society.

And here it is… Are you ready? Are you prepared? Have you significantly opened your mind and soul and readied yourself for the wisdom the Kid’s about to lay down? Get to it, Mr. Kid, you’re surely saying right now, to which you get a slap in the face for your obtrusive but respectful efforts. The Kid moves at the Kid’s pace.

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The Broken Kid is in a pretty good mood today, so instead of continuing the ongoing manifesto, he figured he’d take the opportunity to meander a bit, to explore some thoughts that run through his mind every now and then.

This afternoon, the Kid was tooling about town in his 2007 special-edition Mercedes SL-Class (his choice mode of transportation when running errands and not wanting to stand out with his more flashy vehicles), and the radio was on. This isn’t common for the Kid, who suspects that if they can beam radio waves from towers into his car, they can probably beam mind-control waves into his head, and besides, there usually isn’t anything worthwhile on the radio these days.

This time, the Kid found himself enjoying a surprisingly eclectic mix of Sonic Youth, the Decemberists, and the Shins. But the other songs – mostly a mix of tunes from the mid-1990s – were the real treat. And this got the Broken Kid thinking about why most intelligent people view yesterday’s music – and not today’s – as preferable. What is it about time that makes music so much better?

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Flipping through the cable channels on his massive, state-of-the-art television in BK HQ, the Broken Kid caught something that was mightily disturbing. There, for all the world to see, a man was talking about the end of the world.

We’ve all seen these things from time to time when catching fire-and-brimstone preachers on Sunday mornings after a long night of drinking and debauchery or when flipping through the numerous cable access channels that are taking a break from showing artistic porn. When the medium isn’t trusted, it’s easy not to trust the presenter.

But this was not cable access, friends. This was CNN, and the clip was caught again (who knows how many times it was replayed) during prime time. The Kid has no patience for this sort of claptrap, but he caught a good five minutes or so before holding back his vomit and changing the channel. And assuming the clip didn’t end with the man saying “psyche!”, it goes to show how no media outlet these days can be trusted, when all the media wants to give us is extraordinary sensationalism instead of real news.

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The world is on a precipice, my friends. Can you see it? Can you feel it? We are teetering precariously, and the slightest breath just may push it all over the edge.

Sit down and listen to the Broken Kid tell you about it.

manifesto (n): A written statement declaring publicly the intentions, motives, or views of its issuer.

Ted “Unabomber” Kasczynski and the Communist Party (separately, although what a great coupling that would be) should no longer hold a monopoly on the term manifesto. The time has come for someone to draft a manifesto for the modern age.

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